Incarnation

Hi folks, still here!

Please forgive me for neglecting posts here.
I have been hard at work in Alva and at home and really focused on the work here on the ground where God has planted us.

I know I am a geek, but I have colour-coded sections of similar items in case you are pressed like I am and need to digest in small bites.

The work is thriving. The good news is preached AND lived.
Discipleship, Baptisms, outreach, community service, we are seeing people growing and the fellowship changing as a consequence. New faces, smiling faces, ministry to people in the midst of suffering, there are dynamic things going on in Alva.

I have been suffering through loneliness and chastening in the wake of Elizabeth separating and setting her heart on divorce. I am holding to a hope that love and faithfulness will win her heart back. I have overcome a victim mentality and come to grip with my failings as a husband and father. It came to a point where I believe God revealed Himself to me and convinced me of His love and support and helped me to see where I could change rather than stand here aggrieved and point at Liz crying 'foul!'.

I mentioned before that I was inclined to quit. I presumed that a man in crisis should have focused on his family; that a pastor who cant keep his family together ought not attempt to lead a fellowship. But the men and women who God has raised-up as a support during this difficult time were key in encouraging me to consider carefully whether God would lead me to leave ministry, or whether it was a way that seemed right to (this) man but who's end is the way of death.

I realized that there was no advantage to quitting when Liz wont agree to meet and talk about it. I asked our fellowship whether they had concerns with me as the pastor. I asked Steve Snook for advice. I spoke to my mentor about it. I have been praying with our best man Dave Grumme, as well as my good friend who pastors the church down the road. I have asked men and women, pastors and laymen, believers and even some people outside of the community of faith. I am clear now that one person cannot keep another person on-track; it is folly to try; and I did; and it almost killed me. Frankly, I am tired and it would be a relief to deliver pizzas for a while... But I am convinced that God has a plan to work this out.

I am profitably serving and parenting and serving Liz as I am able. She has not changed her opinion yet and I have stopped trying to (almost...frankly, it still comes up). There is still conflict over the truth of scripture and validity of what I consider to be godly counsel regarding, parenting, marriage and other issues. Liz is making new friends at other churches in the city where her parents live. She goes out with the new friends when I have the boys every other weekend and she likes the life she is building without me. I bet I would like them too. She has a new home that is nicer than the house we bought here in Alva (with more bathrooms!) I know I could try to be happy for her and the boys who each have their own room, but it grieves me deeply as the rift grows wider and wider.

Liz is stronger and more alive. I am so encouraged about this. She is living again and I think/hope she is less depressed and less overwhelmed. I associate this with her getting out and living life again, as I had always wanted for her. She associates it with finally leaving me, since it happened at the same time as the other stuff. But I wasn't keeping her from the the other stuff.

Leaving me appears to have been the catalyst for change which Liz desperately needed. I am happy to see Liz more alive than depressed now. I am sad at her assumptions and concerned about her next decisions. But I still love her and am holding on in the midst of this humiliating experience.

It was the catalyst for change that I desperately needed too. I was so overcome by a fear of failure; that I would fail in marriage, in parenting, in ministry, financially, etc. God revealed to me during this time that, as all the things I feared came upon me, I was not crushed, not killed, not destroyed; that I am loved and completely accepted; that I am forgiven; and guided by the Holy Spirit in the way of truth.

I get lonely. I have a depression sleep once-in-a-while. I also am softer and more accessible. I am a better listener. I have deep compassion for people who are suffering. My love for Liz has grown.

Please pray for a parent who's 20-something daughter is suffering from surgery on a vascular brain tumour which has resulted in unabatable daily pain. She receives periodic ketamine infusions which leave her sleeping most of the days. The tumour damaged her optic nerve to the extent that the eye was removed. To add insult to injury, they replaced her brown eye with the wrong colour blue! It cant be changed out right away.

Obviously, the daughter is suffering. Her mum is the person who is drawing near to the Lord in the midst of all this. She is growing, but is also difficult at times. I suppose it's to be expected, but she also affects other people in the fellowship as well as the witness to the community. When she is grieved that the church isn't doing enough, it becomes a facebook post :s Another church member came to me late at night because they had heard she was talking negatively to others about them.

I am convinced that she is sincere about following the Lord; just going through the throes of grief and old habits are dying hard. She has asked to be baptised and I am encouraged about how she responded to me (gently) confronting her about the gossip issue (after delay and much prayer). Watch this space. And pray for both of her daughters' salvation. And her ex.
(I am very careful, by the way, about ministering to women during this time of personal crisis)

We also have a new baby in the congregation! Her parents came along in the last six weeks of their pregnancy and it's been two weeks since the birth. They are natives of Northern Ireland and have lived in the Hillfoots for years, but somehow have just discovered us in Alva. They came AND they stayed
(sing "Hallelujah" here!)

More and more people are coming and staying. The community involvement with the church is also growing.

The Chaplaincy in the local High School is a thriving work built on the single premise that I am there to answer "any questions about God or the Bible". I get to mill about the hub where people eat during lunch, asking just that: "Do you have any questions about God or the Bible?" Some kids call me 'Jesus-guy' or even 'Jesus'. (what a complement, really) I field questions from evolution to trinity to lesbian vampires. So, yeah, pray obviously!

We have an after school Christian club that has grown from three kids, for two straight years, to over 20 kids and growing these last two years. We are currently looking at worldviews and what influences us. We play music that each kid gets to choose and discuss what they say and what they mean and I get to offer a biblical perspective on issues. Life lesson: listening to people REALLY earns us the chance to be listened-to.

In October/November we participated in a local evangelistic outreach to the Hillfoots and Alloa in partnership with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). We posted on Metro FB about it. Over 4000 people were reached and more than 500 responded by filling out interest cards. the follow-up is ongoing. We have built-up a strong connection with one family in particular. The daughter came on Thursday and responded to the gospel; and brought her parents back on Saturday who were so encouraged by the message and it's effect on their daughter that they were moved to renew their commitment. All of them have been engaging with the church at their level. The parents are coming to the Bible Study/Prayer meeting on Thursdays and the daughter is engaging at lunch and at our monthly Youth event 'LAST'. Her boyfriend also responded and actually began speaking in tongues, and it freaked him out at first because he had no idea what it was, so I get to disciple him too!

Recently, a young woman died of a sudden haemorrhage in the school during class time. The school relied heavily on psychologists to address the looming emotional crisis, but we were in a good place to talk with young people with whom we had built relationship. Hopefully this will open-up an opportunity to serve in the area of spiritual/pastoral care.

I serve on the local Primary School Parent Council and we support the administration as well as lobby on behalf of concerned parents. Our church hosts the Community Council, which interacts with the county government, in our hall. As a result I attend every meeting and am occasionally a voice heard at the 'city gates'. The community knows the pastor and knows the church is here.

I have been nominated to lead a time of reflection in the Scottish Parliament. Literally stepping up the the podium to lead the legislators of Scotland in theological reflection and prayer! Please pray a for gentle shrewdness with unction borne of the Holy Spirit!

I am wary of singing chirpy praises to God's success where I stand battered and bleeding. I am sober and deeply concerned about the future of our marriage. Liz can divorce me without my participation in August, which will be two years since she moved out. She is talking about moving to Edinburgh and also about moving south to England. There is no effort to reconcile and she is telling me, and the boys, there is not much hope of that.

But, Elizabeth claims Jesus is Lord; and prays and says God is leading her and Jesus is her prince and her king, so I am going to insist on being encouraged and hopeful. Liz urges me to save some shred of self-respect and just cut my losses and move-on. But this is my wife for life and I won't give up without a fight. (not fighting with her, but on her behalf in the heavenly realm) I figure this is just another part of laying my life down in love. Frankly it does suck big-time.

The boys are huge! Aaron is 3 now(since 12 May).
Here are some photos of them for you who knew Daniel and Josiah before we left:

































On Christmas Eve, we are planning to go Christmas Carolling through the town and we have planned a Candlelight Carol service that evening. We are so chuffed about worshipping on Christmas Day! Christ dwells in our hearts and we worship Him.

In the midst of suffering, there is massive, healthy growth and change on the ministry front, and we are very encouraged. Pray for us this Christmas season. Please don't forget us out here in Scotland! PLEASE PRAY if you believe it makes a difference. Do you believe it makes a difference?
(did you actually read this far? God bless you!)

Red Sea

God is moving.
I do not see it in our marriage.
Liz has requested divorce through a mediator.
She is already living as if it is over.
If you are a friend of Liz, have you contacted her?
Please fast and pray.

I am alone in Scotland.
But I am not alone.
God is good and there is such a strong support of solid Christians around us.
Liz is still reading the Bible and attending several churches. She comes to Alva and takes notes! Elizabeth also says God is leading her to leave the marriage.

I do not understand how THAT works.



The church in Alva is something I have offered to set down often over these last two years. Counsel and other confirmations have assured me that God has other plans.
I am standing here, seeing people come to the Lord and seeing lives changed.

The witness of this pastor in the community, as his wife walks away, is humiliating.
The sin that comes to the surface is excruciating to the pride and ego that must die.
I recommend suffering, it wipes away arrogance and any ignorant/heartless inability to empathize.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.
God, please defend the sermon that is the Fraser family.

In Jesus' name,
David

Salt

Mar 9:49 (ESV) 49 For everyone will be salted with fire.

2Ki 2:19-23 (ESV) 19 Now the men of the city said to Elisha, "Behold, the situation of this city is pleasant, as my lord sees, but the water is bad, and the land is unfruitful."
20 He said, "Bring me a new bowl, and put salt in it." So they brought it to him.
21 Then he went to the spring of water and threw salt in it and said, "Thus says the LORD, I have healed this water; from now on neither death nor miscarriage shall come from it."
22 So the water has been healed to this day, according to the word that Elisha spoke.
23 He went up from there to Bethel...

The day I prayed with some friends against the masonic lodge (a place of pagan worship perched at the headwaters to the burgh of Alva) I had an argument with Liz. She took the kids away in the car while I was at a prayer meeting that evening without telling me. I came home to an empty house with no explanation. That was chalked up to post natal depression. Aaron turns 3 on 12 May. Since then, She has taken the children away two times without warning and each time the reasons are more elaborate and not open to discussion. The family uses their resources to help Elizabeth financially and emotionally, to their credit, I suppose, but based on only one side of any story.

I never saw the possible connection between the problems and the prayer until later. Recently God brought the episode to my remembrance upon reading the scriptures above. I became convinced that this was 'a thing' and planned to hike up the Alva Glen and pray at the head waters above the masonic lodge and salt the Alva Burn (stream). I later learned that a woman in our church (whose husband was a mason) passed away suddenly the day before. She is the last person connected to freemasonry that I know of; though there are two more ladies whose sons are masons and insist that it is a Christian-friendly organization.

Gulping down the doubt as to whether or not this was a merely emotional and dreamy notion, I hiked up to the head of the Alva Burn today with a solid Christian friend and we prayed for the Frasers; and the village; and added salt to the water from a tiny cup that was only ever used to take communion at the garden tomb in Jerusalem.

Lifting up the Name of Jesus and His Word and praying for each other and repenting of sin we have asked the Lord for healing.

Will you please join us in prayer regarding the prophetic act?

Prayer requests

We will have a prayer meeting on Saturday night 2nd April at 7pm GMT (2pm NY, 11am Cali.)
People from 24 churches in the county will gather to pray for Alva Baptist Church and the village specifically and for Clackmannanshire county and the nation of Scotland.

Will you please join us by stopping right now and praying for us here in Alva

The prayer points of the evening will be:

1. The Fraser family
2. The State of Prayer in the Church
3. Reaching Out to the Community
4. Ministry to Families in the Church
5. Major Outreaches:

• Easter 24 April
  
• Vacation Bible School in July
  
• Back to Church Sunday: 25th September (http://www.backtochurch.co.uk)
  
• A Missionary visit planned in September through a Theological Seminary in North Carolina; and
  
• the October Evangelistic Outreach planned with Impact World Tours, a ministry of Youth with a Mission (YWAM)

Thank you for continuing to support us in prayer and by keeping in contact with us through reading this blog. I am sure you are busy.

Still Standing

It's been a while.

Elizabeth is still separated from me with the children, living in a flat in Stirling.
I have stopped arguing and trying to convince her with words.
She accepts my help and acknowledges gestures of love with reminders that none of her actions are to be interpreted as progress toward reconciliation.

I continue to meet with prayer partners, mentors and the leadership of our fellowship for accountability and wise counsel. I have considered stepping down and discussed it with friends in ministry. (and am confident that this is not what God wants) I am meeting with the family pastor of the church Elizabeth occasionally attends with the boys, with whose wife Liz has become friendly. I am doing my best to remain transparent and open to God's leading.

Yesterday as Aaron hugged me, he reached out toward Elizabeth who cooperated as he pulled mummy and daddy together and Liz let me hug her. It was very special.

We are all praying for the family at our church and the boys regularly pray for our family to be together again. I believe God has purpose for this time that we will only see later.

I hope you will read this and consider how you may fire-proof your marriage.

Have You Considered My Servant...?

Today a student from the local Bible College preached on Job.
Daniel proposed that the whole story hinges on Job 1:8
"The LORD said to Satan, 'Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil.'"

The main thrust was this:
it isn't a question of whether or not Job has faith in God,
Or if he will be found faithful in the midst of suffering;
but that the story is told to show that God has faith in Job!

Job 1:21-22 ...Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.

A new friend commented on the blog recently.
I dont really know this person, but I gather they know the family here and have befriended Elizabeth. This person acknowledged the difficult circumstances we face and suggested that I might want to reconsider remarks about Elizabeth and family.

I honestly had not considered how the remarks would hinder reconciliation.
Or how my characterization of others' actions might heap injury on top of 'offence' .

May I say, I felt so alone and unheard that I was pleading to anyone who would read this blog to give a listen and reach out with encouragement or perspective. I hadn't imagined Liz or other family as the audience of this blog. Though I knew it was entirely possible, I had given up trying to talk to people who refused or were somehow unable to respond. Or who were so one-sided in their interpretations of events and issues that they were unable to empathize. Instead I had gotten mute or inarticulate sympathy for 'how much this must/was going to hurt...'

But perhaps I was unfaithful to my spouse for appealing to you, the FirstLove blogosphere; 'making my case' here with a one-sided portrayal of events. Though, in fairness, I did appeal to Liz to participate in writing during this time.

I really did feel I was stating the issues as I saw them, in order for you to pray. But in retrospect, I see it has not been very easy to distill facts from the intense poetry riddled with emotion and judgement. (And why involve you anyway?)

The point was always this:
Those who agreed to pray for us have visited this blog to see what is going on in Scotland. When in crisis, I turned to our prayer partners. When I felt alone and threatened, I turned to friends. I didnt mean to turn on those who I felt had betrayed me over here, by talking about them without recourse.

In the end, God has had me alone before Him and done some work. As He has with Liz. Perhaps He could have done it all with less mess than I have made by sharing it. But then again, my clumsy, desperate, humility and your prayers may have changed the course of events. Or maybe the witness and testimony of this process will help somebody. (It still isn't over)

And you should know that the overwhelming response has been assurance that you were praying for Liz and I; and that God is faithful and He will work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose; and that there is tremendous fidelity toward Elizabeth in this audience.

If I have offended you by sharing too much information, please forgive me. If you are offended on Elizabeth's account, please forgive me. I never meant to slander or injure. I always sought to address my concerns to the person who was subject of any grievance before coming here and venting the pressure onto the page. But sadly the lack of redress drove me to despair. I have been weak and anxious and you have had to endure this from a distance. If it is sin, Jesus died for these sins, I hope you will also forgive me. I will try to be more self-aware of my language and commit to apprehend poetry and conform it to the prose intended.

Thank you for your patience and understanding while I freaked-out and bled onto this space. I know I am not blameless; I know I am forgiven and in this, righteous.
I wish I had been more like Job in Chapter 1.
(Even if I started out like this, it didn't last)
I now feel a bit more like Job in Chapter 40: "I lay my hand on my mouth."

Please pray for our healthy marriage and united family,
which is a picture of Christ and the church.

Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for your friendship (it's more than a FaceBook affiliation)

Striving to stand firm,
David

If It Seems Slow, Wait for It...

I was considering quitting today.

It's just not right, what's happening to me:

• A spouse who is very upset with me and not seeking to forgive and reconcile;
• children who are starting to show signs of being affected by this;
• in-laws who are not speaking openly to me about it;
• local ministers who are too busy with the bulk of their ministries to help;
• being the pastor, myself, of another very s-l-o-w-l-y growing ministry which seems to bury more than it baptises...;
• My second new year's eve alone;
• and assorted discouraging advice about 'moving on'
  

an absolute junk day, this!

...then this text comes on my phone:
"Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run."

that's it. No explanation. very 'New Year' sort of a verse, right?
but I know the next verse almost by heart:

"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay."

If you had a picture of the Fraser's on your fridge to remind you to pray for us, you had this scripture quoted out of Habakkuk 2:3

and when I looked it up, the verse that follows helped me too:
"Behold, as for the proud one, His soul is not right within him;
But the righteous will live by his faith."

How proud I am. How proven baseless and arrogant, that pride.
How NOT right are things right now,
while I cry 'victim' because of the spouse who cries 'victim'?

I was trying to believe more about myself because I am in Christ.
But I need to believe more about Christ, because I am myself.
And I need to believe more about Christ, because He lives in Liz.

And God reached me in the depths of depression and despair,
with the words He gave over four years ago.
And I will not give up today.
And it's not a junk day.
God don't make junk!

As my friend has said:
These are days of grace. Grace that brings the nature of God into this day.

Please keep praying for us.

Seeking to be the change I would see in others,
David