Please forgive me for neglecting posts here.
I have been hard at work in Alva and at home and really focused on the work here on the ground where God has planted us.
I know I am a geek, but I have colour-coded sections of similar items in case you are pressed like I am and need to digest in small bites.
The work is thriving. The good news is preached AND lived.
Discipleship, Baptisms, outreach, community service, we are seeing people growing and the fellowship changing as a consequence. New faces, smiling faces, ministry to people in the midst of suffering, there are dynamic things going on in Alva.
I have been suffering through loneliness and chastening in the wake of Elizabeth separating and setting her heart on divorce. I am holding to a hope that love and faithfulness will win her heart back. I have overcome a victim mentality and come to grip with my failings as a husband and father. It came to a point where I believe God revealed Himself to me and convinced me of His love and support and helped me to see where I could change rather than stand here aggrieved and point at Liz crying 'foul!'.
I mentioned before that I was inclined to quit. I presumed that a man in crisis should have focused on his family; that a pastor who cant keep his family together ought not attempt to lead a fellowship. But the men and women who God has raised-up as a support during this difficult time were key in encouraging me to consider carefully whether God would lead me to leave ministry, or whether it was a way that seemed right to (this) man but who's end is the way of death.
I realized that there was no advantage to quitting when Liz wont agree to meet and talk about it. I asked our fellowship whether they had concerns with me as the pastor. I asked Steve Snook for advice. I spoke to my mentor about it. I have been praying with our best man Dave Grumme, as well as my good friend who pastors the church down the road. I have asked men and women, pastors and laymen, believers and even some people outside of the community of faith. I am clear now that one person cannot keep another person on-track; it is folly to try; and I did; and it almost killed me. Frankly, I am tired and it would be a relief to deliver pizzas for a while... But I am convinced that God has a plan to work this out.
I am profitably serving and parenting and serving Liz as I am able. She has not changed her opinion yet and I have stopped trying to (almost...frankly, it still comes up). There is still conflict over the truth of scripture and validity of what I consider to be godly counsel regarding, parenting, marriage and other issues. Liz is making new friends at other churches in the city where her parents live. She goes out with the new friends when I have the boys every other weekend and she likes the life she is building without me. I bet I would like them too. She has a new home that is nicer than the house we bought here in Alva (with more bathrooms!) I know I could try to be happy for her and the boys who each have their own room, but it grieves me deeply as the rift grows wider and wider.
Liz is stronger and more alive. I am so encouraged about this. She is living again and I think/hope she is less depressed and less overwhelmed. I associate this with her getting out and living life again, as I had always wanted for her. She associates it with finally leaving me, since it happened at the same time as the other stuff. But I wasn't keeping her from the the other stuff.
Leaving me appears to have been the catalyst for change which Liz desperately needed. I am happy to see Liz more alive than depressed now. I am sad at her assumptions and concerned about her next decisions. But I still love her and am holding on in the midst of this humiliating experience.
It was the catalyst for change that I desperately needed too. I was so overcome by a fear of failure; that I would fail in marriage, in parenting, in ministry, financially, etc. God revealed to me during this time that, as all the things I feared came upon me, I was not crushed, not killed, not destroyed; that I am loved and completely accepted; that I am forgiven; and guided by the Holy Spirit in the way of truth.
I get lonely. I have a depression sleep once-in-a-while. I also am softer and more accessible. I am a better listener. I have deep compassion for people who are suffering. My love for Liz has grown.
Please pray for a parent who's 20-something daughter is suffering from surgery on a vascular brain tumour which has resulted in unabatable daily pain. She receives periodic ketamine infusions which leave her sleeping most of the days. The tumour damaged her optic nerve to the extent that the eye was removed. To add insult to injury, they replaced her brown eye with the wrong colour blue! It cant be changed out right away.
Obviously, the daughter is suffering. Her mum is the person who is drawing near to the Lord in the midst of all this. She is growing, but is also difficult at times. I suppose it's to be expected, but she also affects other people in the fellowship as well as the witness to the community. When she is grieved that the church isn't doing enough, it becomes a facebook post :s Another church member came to me late at night because they had heard she was talking negatively to others about them.
I am convinced that she is sincere about following the Lord; just going through the throes of grief and old habits are dying hard. She has asked to be baptised and I am encouraged about how she responded to me (gently) confronting her about the gossip issue (after delay and much prayer). Watch this space. And pray for both of her daughters' salvation. And her ex.
(I am very careful, by the way, about ministering to women during this time of personal crisis)
We also have a new baby in the congregation! Her parents came along in the last six weeks of their pregnancy and it's been two weeks since the birth. They are natives of Northern Ireland and have lived in the Hillfoots for years, but somehow have just discovered us in Alva. They came AND they stayed
(sing "Hallelujah" here!)
More and more people are coming and staying. The community involvement with the church is also growing.
The Chaplaincy in the local High School is a thriving work built on the single premise that I am there to answer "any questions about God or the Bible". I get to mill about the hub where people eat during lunch, asking just that: "Do you have any questions about God or the Bible?" Some kids call me 'Jesus-guy' or even 'Jesus'. (what a complement, really) I field questions from evolution to trinity to lesbian vampires. So, yeah, pray obviously!
We have an after school Christian club that has grown from three kids, for two straight years, to over 20 kids and growing these last two years. We are currently looking at worldviews and what influences us. We play music that each kid gets to choose and discuss what they say and what they mean and I get to offer a biblical perspective on issues. Life lesson: listening to people REALLY earns us the chance to be listened-to.
In October/November we participated in a local evangelistic outreach to the Hillfoots and Alloa in partnership with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). We posted on Metro FB about it. Over 4000 people were reached and more than 500 responded by filling out interest cards. the follow-up is ongoing. We have built-up a strong connection with one family in particular. The daughter came on Thursday and responded to the gospel; and brought her parents back on Saturday who were so encouraged by the message and it's effect on their daughter that they were moved to renew their commitment. All of them have been engaging with the church at their level. The parents are coming to the Bible Study/Prayer meeting on Thursdays and the daughter is engaging at lunch and at our monthly Youth event 'LAST'. Her boyfriend also responded and actually began speaking in tongues, and it freaked him out at first because he had no idea what it was, so I get to disciple him too!
Recently, a young woman died of a sudden haemorrhage in the school during class time. The school relied heavily on psychologists to address the looming emotional crisis, but we were in a good place to talk with young people with whom we had built relationship. Hopefully this will open-up an opportunity to serve in the area of spiritual/pastoral care.
I serve on the local Primary School Parent Council and we support the administration as well as lobby on behalf of concerned parents. Our church hosts the Community Council, which interacts with the county government, in our hall. As a result I attend every meeting and am occasionally a voice heard at the 'city gates'. The community knows the pastor and knows the church is here.
I have been nominated to lead a time of reflection in the Scottish Parliament. Literally stepping up the the podium to lead the legislators of Scotland in theological reflection and prayer! Please pray a for gentle shrewdness with unction borne of the Holy Spirit!
I am wary of singing chirpy praises to God's success where I stand battered and bleeding. I am sober and deeply concerned about the future of our marriage. Liz can divorce me without my participation in August, which will be two years since she moved out. She is talking about moving to Edinburgh and also about moving south to England. There is no effort to reconcile and she is telling me, and the boys, there is not much hope of that.
But, Elizabeth claims Jesus is Lord; and prays and says God is leading her and Jesus is her prince and her king, so I am going to insist on being encouraged and hopeful. Liz urges me to save some shred of self-respect and just cut my losses and move-on. But this is my wife for life and I won't give up without a fight. (not fighting with her, but on her behalf in the heavenly realm) I figure this is just another part of laying my life down in love. Frankly it does suck big-time.
The boys are huge! Aaron is 3 now(since 12 May).
Here are some photos of them for you who knew Daniel and Josiah before we left:
On Christmas Eve, we are planning to go Christmas Carolling through the town and we have planned a Candlelight Carol service that evening. We are so chuffed about worshipping on Christmas Day! Christ dwells in our hearts and we worship Him.
In the midst of suffering, there is massive, healthy growth and change on the ministry front, and we are very encouraged. Pray for us this Christmas season. Please don't forget us out here in Scotland! PLEASE PRAY if you believe it makes a difference. Do you believe it makes a difference?
(did you actually read this far? God bless you!)
