Have You Considered My Servant...?

Today a student from the local Bible College preached on Job.
Daniel proposed that the whole story hinges on Job 1:8
"The LORD said to Satan, 'Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil.'"

The main thrust was this:
it isn't a question of whether or not Job has faith in God,
Or if he will be found faithful in the midst of suffering;
but that the story is told to show that God has faith in Job!

Job 1:21-22 ...Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.

A new friend commented on the blog recently.
I dont really know this person, but I gather they know the family here and have befriended Elizabeth. This person acknowledged the difficult circumstances we face and suggested that I might want to reconsider remarks about Elizabeth and family.

I honestly had not considered how the remarks would hinder reconciliation.
Or how my characterization of others' actions might heap injury on top of 'offence' .

May I say, I felt so alone and unheard that I was pleading to anyone who would read this blog to give a listen and reach out with encouragement or perspective. I hadn't imagined Liz or other family as the audience of this blog. Though I knew it was entirely possible, I had given up trying to talk to people who refused or were somehow unable to respond. Or who were so one-sided in their interpretations of events and issues that they were unable to empathize. Instead I had gotten mute or inarticulate sympathy for 'how much this must/was going to hurt...'

But perhaps I was unfaithful to my spouse for appealing to you, the FirstLove blogosphere; 'making my case' here with a one-sided portrayal of events. Though, in fairness, I did appeal to Liz to participate in writing during this time.

I really did feel I was stating the issues as I saw them, in order for you to pray. But in retrospect, I see it has not been very easy to distill facts from the intense poetry riddled with emotion and judgement. (And why involve you anyway?)

The point was always this:
Those who agreed to pray for us have visited this blog to see what is going on in Scotland. When in crisis, I turned to our prayer partners. When I felt alone and threatened, I turned to friends. I didnt mean to turn on those who I felt had betrayed me over here, by talking about them without recourse.

In the end, God has had me alone before Him and done some work. As He has with Liz. Perhaps He could have done it all with less mess than I have made by sharing it. But then again, my clumsy, desperate, humility and your prayers may have changed the course of events. Or maybe the witness and testimony of this process will help somebody. (It still isn't over)

And you should know that the overwhelming response has been assurance that you were praying for Liz and I; and that God is faithful and He will work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose; and that there is tremendous fidelity toward Elizabeth in this audience.

If I have offended you by sharing too much information, please forgive me. If you are offended on Elizabeth's account, please forgive me. I never meant to slander or injure. I always sought to address my concerns to the person who was subject of any grievance before coming here and venting the pressure onto the page. But sadly the lack of redress drove me to despair. I have been weak and anxious and you have had to endure this from a distance. If it is sin, Jesus died for these sins, I hope you will also forgive me. I will try to be more self-aware of my language and commit to apprehend poetry and conform it to the prose intended.

Thank you for your patience and understanding while I freaked-out and bled onto this space. I know I am not blameless; I know I am forgiven and in this, righteous.
I wish I had been more like Job in Chapter 1.
(Even if I started out like this, it didn't last)
I now feel a bit more like Job in Chapter 40: "I lay my hand on my mouth."

Please pray for our healthy marriage and united family,
which is a picture of Christ and the church.

Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for your friendship (it's more than a FaceBook affiliation)

Striving to stand firm,
David

If It Seems Slow, Wait for It...

I was considering quitting today.

It's just not right, what's happening to me:

• A spouse who is very upset with me and not seeking to forgive and reconcile;
• children who are starting to show signs of being affected by this;
• in-laws who are not speaking openly to me about it;
• local ministers who are too busy with the bulk of their ministries to help;
• being the pastor, myself, of another very s-l-o-w-l-y growing ministry which seems to bury more than it baptises...;
• My second new year's eve alone;
• and assorted discouraging advice about 'moving on'
  

an absolute junk day, this!

...then this text comes on my phone:
"Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run."

that's it. No explanation. very 'New Year' sort of a verse, right?
but I know the next verse almost by heart:

"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay."

If you had a picture of the Fraser's on your fridge to remind you to pray for us, you had this scripture quoted out of Habakkuk 2:3

and when I looked it up, the verse that follows helped me too:
"Behold, as for the proud one, His soul is not right within him;
But the righteous will live by his faith."

How proud I am. How proven baseless and arrogant, that pride.
How NOT right are things right now,
while I cry 'victim' because of the spouse who cries 'victim'?

I was trying to believe more about myself because I am in Christ.
But I need to believe more about Christ, because I am myself.
And I need to believe more about Christ, because He lives in Liz.

And God reached me in the depths of depression and despair,
with the words He gave over four years ago.
And I will not give up today.
And it's not a junk day.
God don't make junk!

As my friend has said:
These are days of grace. Grace that brings the nature of God into this day.

Please keep praying for us.

Seeking to be the change I would see in others,
David